I was going to wait until after the contest, but I just can't keep this to myself. For your enjoyment.... a word from our sponsor.
Night after night of restless tossing and turning. Day after day of feeling lethargic and unrested. You've tried warm milk, counting sheep, and even Ambien. Luckily, help is here in the form of a STO mission guaranteed to send you on an express transport to Dreamland: Of Bajor!
Of Bajor is the only STO mission proven to help players fall asleep and stay asleep. After Captain Kurland manages to lose DS9 to a confused troop of Dominion throwbacks who couldn't bother to ask for the stardate, you are ordered to beam down to a vacation resort on Bajor by an officer who is, by now, your subordinate in rank. There won't be any shore leave for you, Admiral, as the Bajorans are thoroughly incapable of handling their affairs without your hand-holding guidance. In fact, there's so much busywork for you to do you must run this mission multiple times to clean up every mess they make. I'm sure you're yawning already!
After completing a few chores, you can move on to run holodeck simulations to practice fighting all enemies you've encountered since the beginning of the Cardassian Struggle arc. The struggle certainly is real, but we're talking about you and not the Spoonheads. Next, try having a calm political discussion with an enraged Bajoran street preacher! I bet you feel like you're posting on Reddit already. If you're feeling like getting some old time religion, go chill out and pray in the Temple. Scientific sorts can run high school earth science experiments. It's like DS9 isn't overrun with Jem'Hadar turning their place into a high-volume Ketracel lab!
Your final task is to contact someone on the station that isn't busy cookin' up some White. After getting in touch with Not!Quark, you are treated to an unskippable cutscene in which Kurland is definitely here. Hopefully, by this point, you've gone sleepy-bye a long time ago.
Side effects of this mission include 'crying', 'complaining in fleet chat', 'shattered friendships' and 'thinking too hard'. If you find yourself wondering “Why does Starfleet send an Admiral to report to a chipper Lieutenant who wants them to repair Bajor's microwaves?” or “Why would a Klingon with ANY self-respect run errands for a Federation petaQ?” or even “Why the hell do the Romulans even give half a crap, especially after In The Pale Moonlight?” please contact your doctor right away.
Bajor may be for Bajorans, and they can keep it after this slog. Your bed is for you, Admiral. After all this nonsense, you've earned it. Sweet dreams!